In a society where productivity and achievement are often glorified, many people develop what’s called performance-related self-esteem. This means your self-worth is directly tied to your accomplishments and the recognition you receive from others. While it may seem motivating at first, this mindset can contribute to mental health issues like anxiety, depression, burnout, and relationship difficulties.
What Is Performance-Related Self-Esteem?
Performance-related self-esteem occurs when your value as a person is judged through the lens of success and productivity. This outlook is often reinforced by society, making it difficult to notice the long-term emotional toll it takes. You may experience chronic stress, emotional suppression, and a fragile sense of identity.
According to the World Health Organization, chronic stress significantly increases the risk of both physical and mental health issues. If your self-esteem is achievement-based, you’re likely prioritizing validation over well-being.
Achievement Identity and Performance Self-Esteem
If your sense of self is defined by achievements, rest can feel like failure. You might struggle to take breaks or feel disconnected without a goal to chase. This constant drive may appear productive, but it’s rooted in an unstable sense of self-worth.
External Validation and Emotional Dependence
You may become hypersensitive to criticism and overly reliant on praise. Constructive feedback might feel like rejection, triggering anxiety or feelings of abandonment. This can lead to strained relationships and emotional insecurity.
Fear of Failure and Shame
Failure becomes more than a missed target—it feels like a threat to your identity. This fear can paralyze you, make you avoid risks, or lead to harsh self-criticism. When your self-worth depends on success, mistakes feel shameful rather than educational.
People-Pleasing and Withdrawal
To maintain approval, many people sacrifice their own needs. You may overextend yourself, conform to others’ expectations, or hide your struggles. This creates emotional distance in relationships and reinforces self-abandonment.
Emotional Instability
Mood swings often follow the highs and lows of validation. If others’ opinions determine how you feel, your emotions may become intense and unpredictable, affecting your daily functioning and connections.
Avoidance and Emotional Suppression
When you focus entirely on productivity, your emotional life may take a back seat. Suppressing emotions in favor of goals disconnects you from your inner world. Over time, this can result in burnout, anxiety, or emotional breakdowns.
Work-Life Imbalance
A key sign of performance-related self-esteem is deprioritizing self-care. You may view rest as unproductive, even though long-term neglect of mental and physical well-being can have serious consequences.
EMDR Therapy for Performance Self-Esteem
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is an evidence-based therapy that helps individuals reprocess past events that shaped unhealthy self-beliefs. If your self-esteem was built on the idea that only achievements bring love or acceptance, EMDR can help rewrite that narrative. 👉 Learn more about EMDR from the EMDR International Association (EMDRIA)
How to Start Rebuilding Self-Worth
Overcoming performance-related self-esteem involves recognizing the problem and seeking support. Therapy can help you:
- Cultivate a sense of self independent of performance
- Strengthen emotional regulation skills
- Set boundaries that protect your well-being
- Shift from external to internal validation
Remember: you are worthy, even when you’re not achieving. You don’t have to earn your right to rest or be loved.
About the Author
Dr. Pauline Chiarizia is a Counselling Psychologist specialising in trauma and eating disorders. She provides online talk therapy and EMDR for individuals who are ready to explore and understand themselves more deeply, break free from unhelpful patterns that affect their self-esteem and relationships, and overcome burnout. Dr. Chiarizia focuses on helping clients build resilience, develop self-trust, and gain the confidence to navigate life’s challenges. Her approach empowers clients to cope with adversity while being fully present for moments of joy, love, and connection.