The Difficult Shift: Recognizing What You Really Want

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It’s an all-too-familiar story: you work hard for something – a career, a relationship, a lifestyle – believing it’s the key to fulfillment. Then, suddenly, a very strange feeling sets in. The dream that once seemed attractive now seems distant, even burdensome. You may have reached your goal, but instead of enjoying it, you feel empty. You may be on the verge of success, but feel an overwhelming reluctance to continue. We often pursue the things we think we want because we’re influenced by external factors. Society, family and peers all shape our idea of success and happiness. Sometimes we’re motivated by what we think should make us happy, rather than what really resonates with our deeper selves.

For example, a person may seek a well-paid job because financial security is deemed important by society, but may discover that what they really need is creativity – something the job doesn’t offer. Similarly, we may enter into relationships, convinced that a partner or family structure will complete us, only to realise that our fulfilment lies in our personal development or in a different path altogether.

This doesn’t mean that these initial aspirations were wrong or bad. In fact, they may even have helped us to understand ourselves better. The problem arises when we cling to these outdated visions of what we should be doing, even after we’ve outgrown them. At first, this new awareness can feel like a failure. After all, you’ve invested time, energy and perhaps money in the pursuit of a goal. It can be easy to fall into the self criticism trap: Was it all for nothing? But the simple truth is that life is messy, and that changing course doesn’t mean you’ve failed, but that you’ve evolved.

Here are some steps you can take to navigate this transition and find clarity:

Accept the Moment of Realisation

The most important step is to fully admit that your desires and goals have changed. It’s tempting to suppress or deny these feelings out of fear or because of the time and energy you’ve invested. But the longer you avoid this truth, the more likely you are to feel disconnected and unhappy. Take the time to sit down with your emotions. Journaling, meditation or a heart-to-heart conversation with someone you trust can help you process what you’re experiencing. Understand that it’s normal to change your mind as you grow and evolve. If you struggle, please make an appointment with a mental health professional.

Reflect on Why Your Priorities Have Changed

It’s important to understand why you don’t want what you thought you wanted. Sometimes, it’s simply a question of surpassing a goal. At other times, the external factors that used to motivate you – social expectations, financial pressures or family influence – are no longer in line with who you are. Think about the root cause of your change in desire. Consider the following questions:

Was I pursuing this goal for myself or for others?
Have my new experiences or perspectives made this goal less appealing?
Does this goal still align with my current values and priorities?


Reevaluate your Values and Priorities

Reconnect with what truly matters to you now, not what mattered to you in the past. To clarify your values, consider asking yourself:

What matters most to me in life?

What do I want my life to stand for?

When I think about my ideal life, what does it look like?

What makes me feel fulfilled and satisfied?

In what areas of my life do I want to make a positive impact?

What qualities do I admire in others that I want to embody?

What do I want my relationships to look like?

Give yourself Permission to Change

One of the most difficult aspects of realising that you no longer want something is giving yourself permission to change direction. You may feel guilt, fear judgment or worry about lost time. But clinging to something simply because you’ve invested in it doesn’t serve your future happiness.Practice self-compassion. Remember that changing your mind is a sign of growth, not failure. It’s okay to make a change. If you’re feeling stuck, think about the concept of the “sunk cost fallacy” – the idea that just because you’ve invested time, energy or money in something doesn’t mean you should continue down that path if it no longer serves you.

Embrace Uncertainty

Facing up to the uncertainty that arises is one of the most difficult aspects of realising that you no longer want what you once wanted. If you give up on a dream or goal, you may not have a clear vision of what’s next – and that’s normal. You don’t need to have it all figured out right away.Practice embracing uncertainty. Instead of forcing yourself to find all the answers immediately, give yourself time to explore and experiment. Sometimes clarity comes only after you’ve given yourself the space you need to navigate the unknown. Trust your instincts and experience to guide you in the right direction as you explore new options.

If you’re navigating this challenging period and feeling overwhelmed by uncertainty or stuck in your current situation, remember that you don’t have to go through it alone. Seeking support can be a valuable step in finding clarity and direction. If you’d like to explore your feelings further and gain some guidance, don’t hesitate to reach out. You can make an appointment for a session by sending me an email at [email protected]